"I mean that I have never offered Nell one half of the torture you have
offered me, every day since you came home, with your damned affectionate
friendliness. When I laugh, you answer it before it gets articulate, and
when I gloom, you are as sympathetic as sympathy itself. I have held
your hand and kissed it, instituting and not quenching a raging thirst
thereby, as you are experienced enough to know. You have made yourself
everything for me that is responsive and desirable and beautiful and
worthy and have put me back every time I have reached out to grasp you.
You don't want me, you don't want to marry me at all, you just want
--excitement. You are as cold as ice that grinds and generates fire.
Very well, you don't have to take me--and I'll get what I can from
Nell--and others."
"Oh, Polk, how could you have misunderstood me like this?" I moaned from
the depths of an almost broken heart. But as I moaned I understood--I
understood!
I'm doing it all wrong! I had the most beautiful human love for him in
my heart and he thought it was all dastardly, cold coquetting. An awful
spark has been struck out of the flint. I'm not worthy to experiment
with this dreadful man-and-woman question. I just laid my head down on
my arms, resting on my knees and cowered at Polk's feet.
"Don't--Evelina, I didn't mean it." he said quickly in a shaken voice.
But he did!
I couldn't answer him and as I sat still and prayed in my heart for some
words to come that would do away with the horror I heard Sallie's voice
from my front walk, and she and Mr.
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