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Birmingham, George A., 1865-1950

"The Simpkins Plot"

"
"Nor would I; but he won't. You needn't be the least bit afraid of
that. For one thing, the moment he smells the paraffin he'll stop
eating the food. However, all this is only my idea. Better plans may
suggest themselves. For instance, I have noticed that if you chop up
an onion with a knife, and then spread butter with the same knife, the
butter gets a most objectionable taste. You have onions about the
house, I suppose."
"I have."
"Then you might try that. And there's a way of dealing with bacon.
I'm not quite sure how it's done, but the taste all goes out of it, and
it gets extremely tough. Then you fry it in such a way that it's quite
limp, and sprinkle a little soot on it. I've often tried to eat bacon
done that way--before I was married, of course--and I never could. I
don't suppose the judge will be able to either. Boiled eggs are
difficult things to tamper with, but you could always see that they
were stale."
"I could not, then."
"You could, Sabina. Don't raise frivolous difficulties. Anybody could
keep an egg until it was stale."
"Not in this house."
"And why not?"
"Because they'd be ate," said Sabina.


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