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Birmingham, George A., 1865-1950

"The Simpkins Plot"

Everything
will come easier to us after we have that settled. Have you any
objection to our proposal?"
"What proposal?"
"Come now. I know that it's quite the correct thing for judges to ask
ridiculous and silly questions, affecting not to know what everybody in
the world knows quite well. There was one the other day--I don't think
it was you--who inquired quite solemnly what a 'bike' was; and I
recollect another--it was in a horse-racing case--who pretended not to
know the meaning of the phrase 'two to one on.' I don't profess to
understand why you all do that kind of thing, but I'm willing to
suppose that there's some good reason for it. I daresay it's what's
called a legal fiction, and is an essential part of the machinery by
which justice is administered. If so, it's all right in its proper
place; but what on earth is the good of keeping it up out of court?
Sitting here on the bank of a west of Ireland river, with a large
salmon lying dead at our feet, it really is rather absurd to ask me
what proposal."
"I merely wanted," said the judge, "to make quite sure--"
"You were quite sure. You couldn't have had the slightest doubt in
your mind.


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