I did not shudder
when the moment came and I stood there. Then I was cold as marble.
But I shudder now in thinking of it till soul and body seem
separating, and the horror which envelopes me gives me such a
foretaste of hell that I wonder I can contemplate the deed which,
if it releases me from this earthly anguish, will only plunge me
into a possibly worse hereafter. Yet I shall surely take my life
before you see me again, and in that old house. If it is despair
I feel, then despair will take me there. If it is repentance,
then repentance will suffice to drive me to the one expiation
possible to me - to perish where I caused an innocent man to
perish, and so relieve you of a wife who was never worthy of you
and whom it would be your duty to denounce if she let another sun
rise upon her guilt.
"I did not stand there long between the wraiths of my murderous
ancestors. A message was shouted through the door - the message for
which my ears had been strained in dreadful anticipation for the
last two hours. A man named Pfeiffer wanted to see me before I
went down to be married. A man named Pfeiffer!
"I looked closely at the boy who delivered this message. He showed
no excitement, nor any feeling greater than impatience at being kept
waiting a minute or so at the door.
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