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Tyler, Royall, 1757-1826

"The Contrast"



JESSAMY
No, no, Mr. Jonathan; there must be some other
cause; I never yet knew a lady angry at being kissed.

JONATHAN
Well, if it is not the young woman's bashfulness, I
vow I can't conceive why she shouldn't like me.

JESSAMY
May be it is because you have not the Graces, Mr.
Jonathan.

JONATHAN
Grace! Why, does the young woman expect I must
be converted before I court her?

JESSAMY
I mean graces of person: for instance, my lord tells
us that we must cut off our nails even at top, in small
segments of circles--though you won't understand
that; in the next place, you must regulate your laugh.
JONATHAN
Maple-log seize it! don't I laugh natural?

JESSAMY
That's the very fault, Mr. Jonathan. Besides, you
absolutely misplace it. I was told by a friend of mine
that you laughed outright at the play the other night,
when you ought only to have tittered.

JONATHAN
Gor! I--what does one go to see fun for if they
can't laugh?

JESSAMY
You may laugh; but you must laugh by rule.

JONATHAN
Swamp it--laugh by rule! Well, I should like that
tarnally.

JESSAMY
Why, you know, Mr. Jonathan, that to dance, a
lady to play with her fan, or a gentleman with his cane,
and all other natural motions, are regulated by art.
My master has composed an immensely pretty gamut,
by which any lady or gentleman, with a few years'
close application, may learn to laugh as gracefully as
if they were born and bred to it.


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